My Girlfriend’s Debt of Doom

Mersan: Well, more that I hope it will work, but if it doesn't, I'm more than willing to consider alternatives.

I'd rather fight for what I want before resigning myself to something else before I've begun. I'm making some assumptions on what my own performance will be.

KWELMM .....

Couldn't have said it better myself!    

We certainly do not need discouraging people in these threads because discouraging people can sometimes unfortunately cause people to make a poor decision or two. That is why we need to have people here willing to help each other out with sharing our stories and correct and unbiased information. We also need to have people here who are inspirational and willing to take a lead. Certainly I have done anything I possibly could and so has others: Too many names to mention here.    

 

KWELMM ..... SUTIBU:

To add a footnote to the appalling nature to the negative comments I have read in this post, on a personal level I know what it is like to have my personal circumstances interfere with what should be a healthy relationship.

In 2003, I had met in cyberspace a woman who I thought was nice and genuine and only to discover her "dark side" when it was too late. I moved to her area for a change of pace to try something different only to go back to my hometown feeling hurt and dejected. Once she got a grasp on the scope of my huge debt load and seen that my luck getting meaningful employment was not improving despite diligent efforts to gain a job, we ended up not spending as much time together and even spoke little on the phone with every passing day. It was like she was making me do time until I were to gain meaningful employment.

She of course later admitted, which I began to see anyways, to having high standards of the wrong kind. She didn't seem to care about all the non-material things I had to offer her which I think are among the many wonderful things that makes me who I am. All that mattered to her was finding a man with so-called financial stability already established. Also, rather than support me and encourage me, she would be putting me down and made me feel small and worthless. There was no such thing as patience when it came to me getting a job. It was "NOW! NOW! NOW!" thing. I was under enough personal pressure as it was to gain employment and certainly did not need this added pressure.

At that moment, and for more than a full year until I met my present sweetie last August, I was so turned off from romantic relationships because I felt convinced that unless I was gainfully employed and getting my credit back on track, I would never be able to attract a woman to me. While for years everyone close to me has thought of me as bright, intelligent, good looking, and having a big heart, at that time I was faced with a discouraged feeling of being undesirable because I am not financially established despite strong efforts to change this for myself. From that point onwards, I managed a few dates and a couple of very short relationships that failed before really getting started. However, that all changed for me last August.

For me, it took being in the right place and time to have found a woman who my heart told me to take a chance on despite being hurt and rejected in the past. Since last August, I have been with a wonderful woman who is very beautiful and intelligent in all the best ways possible. Until that time, I thought there was no one out there for me unless I was rich and established. She truly sees me for what is inside my heart and soul and knows I want to find my purpose in life in terms of a career at the first available opportunity.

She is there for me when I am down and out and when my luck is not great at times and not shunning me and putting me down. I for one now believe there is someone for everyone out there. Anyone who wants to think that money and material wealth is everything in life and is what makes people and their romantic relationships happy are gravely mistaken. For most of us who are responsible and mature, we all know that financial stability is a realistic goal and like anything else in life requires patience to achieve. However, a so-called lack of financial stability in the present time should not impede a blossoming relationship. Financial stability is only one cog in the machine and many other cogs are of equal or greater importance.

Because of this, I found the remarks of KEVMETRIC very offensive and uncalled for.

SUTIBU ....

I could not agree more that KEVMETRIC is gone!     

I have been absent from this forum for a while due to it lack of consistant moderation.. I am not implying that mark does not do a good job on the contrary. He is a great man with a giant heart and for that I thank him.

I strongly believe that once any community reaches population such as the size of this one a greater force of moderation is needed. In order for this forum to continue growing in a positive fashion there must be some additional policing to keep the negative forces at bay.

And yes I have heard the argument that we are all highly educated, mature and responsible adults..

 

Troy

I

Thank you  Mersan.

 

That was exactly what I was trying to convey..

 

Troy

I know this is an old thread, but I was reading through and can't help myself!

I find it admirable that "deathbullet" has such high expectations of herself and her ability to pay back her student loan debt all on her own.  I, too, had those same lofty expectations!

I went back to unversity after a few years out of high school, but floundered for a while (big mistake from a financial point!).  Finally, I set my sights on an engineering degree.  I completed my degree with $50,000+ in debt!  I was bound and bent that this was MY debt that I would be paying back on my own.

I must give you some more information here.  While in university, I met a FINE fellow who was taking a trade (great program--I recommend trades to ANYONE).  We decided we would get married 20 days after my last final exam of my final year of engineering (good times, good times!). 

While taking premarital counselling, the topic of money came up.  We had spoke about money MANY, MANY times and it was no secret how much debt I had coming out of school.  My soon-to-be husband, however, had only 1 small student loan on his plate!  During one particular session, the student loan discussion came up and I stated my belief that this was MY debt and I had NO expectaion of him paying it back.  Well, I needed to get over that and accept the fact that we were about to take on all the ups and downs life threw our way, student loan debt included!

It was very humbling for me to accept his willingness to tackle the debt together.

So, let me jump to after graduation, after the wedding....I COULDN'T FIND A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It was crazy!  I would seek out my profs to help hook me up with contacts, only have it pointed out that "you are one of our best, YOU shouldn't have a problem finding a job!"  (thanks for the words of encouragement, but it doesn't put money in the bank!)

So, student loans came due in November and I applied for interest relief until things got better.  I still had no job and was going to all sorts of crazy places for interviews.

Christmas was fast approaching and my new husband was heading back for his last session of his apprencticeship.  When he went back, there was going to be ZERO money coming in (he was working under contract & not eligible for EI), unless I got a job! 

11th hour sort of thing--I got a job offer the day before Christmas to start the first day in January! (praise God!)  Also, my husband had sent in an application for grant money through the government and he got the maximum he knew of anyone he had met throughout his apprenticeship (again, praise God!).  Now, one would immediately think that things were all rosie...BUT, my offer was so low, I cried my eyes out.  I was making MORE as a student when I did the internship program!

To make a really long story a bit shorter, my point is this...as determined as I was to pay back my student loans on my own, I simply would NEVER have been able to!  My first job would have had to paid double what I was offered, but I was really in no position to negotiate THAT much!).  As it is now, we are living within our means, but we had to make some pretty significant cutbacks (I call that realization in our past, "budget cuts").  I could have NEVER have done it on my own!  THAT, my friends is one of the "beauties" of student loans--try to "better" yourself, only to be put in a position where you can't rely on yourself to pay it back!

The topic itself won't actually be dead until I pay off the damn loan!

I'll admit that I have a big issue with asking for and taking help from others, but the loan really is my responsibility. If someone helps me pay it back, I consider it another loan or favour that needs to be repayed. I don't expect to get a good job, and until I get one that will allow me to make payments to my loan, I'll go through the proper channels for interest and loan relief. (Which I should soon be researching feverishly as I'll have to apply next year.)

I also don't expect to marry anyone who will share the load with me; it's unrealistic. While I'm madly in love with my boyfriend, it doesn't seem terribly practical to assume. I have to assume that there will either be no husband or one that is unwilling or unable to help with the debt (expect the worst case, hope for the best et cetera).

My big mistake seems to be either going to college at all or listening too much to what other people told me. I aimed for the wrong diploma-- the more I do it, the more I grow bored of it, and even if I spend the rest of my life doing it, it will never be more than just a job. Unfortunately I come from a pretty desperate background so I tried to pick something that could sustain me-- and now I'm too far in to do anything else. I'm still damned and determined to do the best with what I have and achieve some kind of freedom, but I spend most of my time just telling myself that it isn't as bad as it sometimes looks.

I'll be fine, and I will pay it off, I'm just not counting on anything that isn't certain. I'm a rather firey and determined person, so I'm sure I'll win in the end. It's just how long it's going to take and how hard it's going to be that's up in the air.

KevMetric is a moron, plain and simple.  You should read his assinine posts on the Rogers internet access forum boards to get a flavour for this.

There is more to life than student debts.  Education should be a right anyways, for those who can't afford to pay.  How is the government supposed to shrink the welfare rolls when people don't have the skills to go out and get jobs?  How are people supposed to start out in life when they have the equivalent of half a mortgage for a house hanging over their heads at a worse than mortgage rate to boot?

Demand that the govt write the loans off, dammit!