Depression

One problem I had was high anxiety over what to do next, trying to better things, driven by the fear of making the situation worse. And it was such that it was paralyzing. I did not make any move for fear of falling deeper in the hole. For example, do I settle for an entry-level position, hoping for an eventual promotion, and make my payments not knowing if I'll be able to clothe and feed my kids properly in the meantime? And if I don't, then doesn't this hinder my chances at a truly decent career in the long run?  It lead to a whole lot of anguish of the sort. And of course, all accompanied by the constant mind-numbing stress one can imagine. And that is just one angle that could mirror what others are going through, judging from what I've read so far.  

I hear a lot of good of Johnny. And I've read some encouraging types of deals having been reached leading to an happy ending where all parties are reasonably satisfied. Well, in my case, certainly there are scenarios that would be better than bankrupty. Say I pay back a fraction, like a third of the whole (or half of the capital, since this change in policy over interest occured way after I had contracted the bulk of what I owe), over fifteen years, something like that. That sounds bearable.

Sure I could go for that, if and only if my line of credit is restored in full upon my full compliance with said agreement. Sadly,  I doubt that is possible in a province without a debt reduction program. But what do I know?

I can't say I would have been diagnosed as clinically depressed...it was more situational. I had a lot of dreams for my son and I after the divorce. And they all went up in smoke. In addition, the lack of support from my so-called friends university just made things worse. They refused to believe it could be that bad...made lame comments like, "Oh, it will get better," got married and disappeared into suburbia to breed and accumulate assets...and just stopped returning my phone messages, even though I had given up discussing my situation totally, trying so hard not to be a "downer."

It's lonely enough going through this crap. Even more lonely when you're middle-aged and all your peers did the financial struggling thang years earlier. Thank god I had one rebellious divorcee girlfriend and one long-distance boyfriend who was a life-long struggling musician. They've kept me sane...and hopeful...

Hunter2...I laughed about your DQ comments...I am proud to say that I am an unrepentant DQ. More collection agents have hung up on me than visa versa!!!!

My motto: When in doubt, freak out.

Poly!

Not a downer, I think. Just scary. I was their worst nightmare: single mom, poor, no hope for the future. They just couldn't handle that they knew someone like that. It's like if it happened to someone they know, it could happen to them...like a contagious disease...

Human nature...*shrug*

Poly

Depression for me has a vicious-circle connection with my student loans.  A few years ago I was diagnosed with depression and CFS.  Drugs and psychiatry have done nothing and I am no better than I was five years ago. 

As a result of this illness, I've found it difficult to think about a career.  The thought of working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for the rest of my life....this completely terrifies me.  I do it when I have to, and have worked successfully, but never for very long.  Instead I repeatedly break down and return to school as an "escape" from the 9-5 working life.  I have always done well in school, and the schedule is mostly flexible which means I can sleep when I need to, and do school work when I'm able to.

I am currently in college doing an 8-month program (not on student loan, thank god).  I don't particularly like it, and am not looking forward to the new career that it offers (it bores me, not challenging at all).  But I had a nervous breakdown in my last job and had to get out somehow.  It was a really great job, the one I had dreamed about, but I nearly killed myself from exhaustion and stress of working 40 hours a week, and going to college was a way out.  Seems pathetic to me, not the smartest way to handle things.  As a result of this pattern of escaping to school, I also have a BA in French, a BA in Anthropology, and half an MA.  Of course, I ended up with $40,000 in student loans.  Thinking about my debt does little to help my depression.

I am pretty unhappy with the way I have lived my life thus far.  So much university, and now I'm in college, living in my aunt and uncle's basement at the age of 30.  I have hardly any work experience because I've been "hiding" in school most of my life.  My degrees have proved to be nearly useless, not because they are useless in themselves, but because I don't seem to have the energy or guts to put them into action and find a decent long term career.  I seem to quit everything I do out of sheer exhaustion.

On top of all this, I have bad self-esteem issues....I figure that with all my schooling and my supposed "brains" I should have a decent, respected, interesting, well-paying career by now.  But I'm an unemployed boring nobody, while most of my friends have gone on to get the jobs that I wanted.  I try not to care, but it really gets me down.

Now I have decided that enough is enough...I simply cannot go back to school again after this, it's time to smarten up.  But I am scared.  How will I do this 9-5 thing for the rest of my life?  How do other people do it?  They make it look so easy.  Depression and CFS are real buggers.  Most people don't even acknowledge them as illnesses, they think I'll "get over it" and cheer up one of these days.  Sometimes (actually most of the time) I even tell myself to get over it, stop being such a baby and just get to work like everyone else.  But I'm so tired. 

I am faced with the end of my college program in 2 months, and this is when my new working life will start....I am looking forward to the paycheques (so are the student loan people, I'm sure), but I am absolutely terrified that I won't last more than a year or two, if that.  Does anyone else feel this way?  Or am I just crazy? 

I recently received the shocking news that I am in default for an $11,000 loan that I didn't know I had.  This has not helped my situation at all.  But thanks to all of you guys on this forum, I have not felt alone and it's been something I can definitely deal with.  Thank you everyone for being here!  Sorry for rambling about myself, just wanted to talk out loud. 

"I recently received the shocking news that I am in default for an $11,000 loan that I didn't know I had."

Part of my freshman years are a little hazy too. 

I've said this before...They expect 17 and 18 year olds to take responsibility to what amounts to a small mortgage when they are barely past the allowance stage.

Yet their parents get their hands held every step of their application for a mortgage, an investment...How are the parents supposed to help or realize how much is dumped on an inexperienced kid's lap? Mom and dad may have had student loans, but they remember a very different system 20 or more years ago...How are they supposed to understand how things have changed?

It's almost as if this system was purposely planned in anticipation that most people will mess up...So that the governments and the banks can ensure that they make a profit and make it worth their while.

Like I've said so many times...If a banker with 11 years experience can't avoid the crap, how can the average student?

Poly