I'm posting my story here. Have asked for advice on another thread about pursuing a settlement with RBC.

It's a long and awful/embarrassing story.

I was single with two kids on social assistance when I went back to school. I really thought I was going to make my life better and financially easier (eventually) by getting an education.

I took 5 years to get a B.A. - (at $14K+ per year, I'm sure you can do the math) - while working part-time and raising two kids, then went back to start my M.A. Upon leaving school, I did not qualify for interest relief or DR because I had defaulted. They said I sent the wrong form and by the time I found out, the loans were in default. They did not inform me that my application for IR was denied - I had to call them to find that out - and by that time I couldn't afford to pay the o/s interest to bring them into good standing, so I have been in default now for years!  

The most embarrassing part is that I have not made payments on my loans, except through seizure of my income tax returns. I couldn't afford to make the $826 the fed loans were asking for plus the $300 for provincial, so I just gave up. I know that sounds horrible and irresponsible, but I felt totally hopeless and paralyzed, just avoided dealing with student loans.

I was out of work/underemployed for almost a year after leaving grad school (without my M.A., since I couldn't afford to finish), and by the time I got a job I could live on, other debts like credit cards were much more immediate. I was just paying as much as I could to whomever was yelling at me the loudest. Student loans came last because they weren't yelling as loudly. It has been an awful time, and I have been consistently stressed by debt, let alone trying to raise kids alone. Many sleepless nights, crying, not answering the phone or even opening the mail.

My provincial loans, which have about $4K left, will be almost paid off when they take this year's tax return...at least that's something!  I have paid off one Visa and a retail card, which feels good. I _want_ to pay off the debt, don't want to be depressed and feel like a loser anymore.

This is why I am pursuing the settlement option. I just hope it is the right thing to do.

Thanks for listening. I am glad I found a place to tell my ridiculous story.

Casey,

Thanks for the words........sometimes they apply to others than just the original poster.

Stressedmomma,

I hope this all works out for you........it is so true you are not alone.  This forum is full of people thrown together who are meant to touch each others' lives in some way.  For some, it can be more profound than others.  I realize that simply knowing that you are not alone will not solve this for you......but stick around and read....ask questions.  There is a lot of information on this site, as well as, help to be had.

Take care of yourself and your family...the rest will fall into line... once you are thinking clearly....and not so stressed.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words! I really needed that today!

How do you deal with the stress? It's so overwhelming right now, juggling kids, work, school (I'm in an employer-paid 5-month course part-time at the moment), and I also have to deal with this *mammoth* debt.  I wish they (CA's) would stay off my back long enough for me to get some clarity, just some time to plan my next move rationally.

This has been an extremely taxing week for me. I  have been working a lot of extra hours just to get by, and last night my daughter was crying at me that she'd rather be poor and have time with me than have me spend so much time working...this just after I had opened a "pay up now" letter from RBC's collection agency. I have promised her that I will try, but the overtime is for necessities, not for luxuries...

Anyway, just telling my story has been a fantastic relief, so thank you for being supportive. I have not told any of my friends or family anything other than generalities - I was always too embarrassed.