amy

tell the ca's you only wish to be contacted in writing.  that way they cant do thier manipulation tricks on you and you get everything in writing.  maybe talk to johnny - he seems to be the man around here and he might be able to help you out with getting them off your back.  you are lucky to have friends and family to lean on and support you and being in therapy can also be a great source of strength for you.  depression is difficult and you have to remember that you are a strong person and you can get through it.  good for you for having the courage to get into therapy and try to get your life back. 

things will get better and you will be able to put your sl's behind you.  it might take a while but it will happen.  concentrate on healing yourself first - the rest can wait.  if you havent already, talk to johnny and see what he can do to get the bloodsuckers off your back for your peace of mind.

good luck

Hi, Laser, You know, it's so sad what the system has done to an awful lot of us. I remember too many times where I just broke down crying and I've also had bouts of depression that would last for days. For me, it would eventually clear up, then come back, then clear up again. It sure does help to have someone to talk to.  I desperately want to leave Canada but I can't because my husband won't go (poor thing - he thinks he's better off in Canada, I can't figure it out).  But strangely enough, growing up dirt poor has helped me to deal with this.  My family has a wicked sense of humour and we would often rip our guts out laughing, satirizing the whole surreality of this situation.  I have learned to find profound pleasure in the smallest things; having an ice cream, having an icy beer on a patio on a summer night, taking a long exploratory walk.

Five years ago, I bought an answering machine. Best 25 bucks I ever spent.  I screen my calls, don't talk to anyone that I don't know personally (if it's that important it should be in writing ANYWAY!) and I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Don't know where I'm going, don't know what it's all about. Although I still have bad, scary moments (like this past month has been horrible for us), I have found an ability to just let go and fly on auto-pilot, so to speak. I have been practising abandonment to my own higher authorities and just being. Existing. Trying to enjoy the show. I truly believe that despite the nasties people pull on each other,  there is a strata of good  energy that can carry us like the old, sweet chariot. Karma works.  I will not let the confused, frustrated mongrels drag me down with them.  Peace out.

Great attitude, Dazed.

I envy you your serenity. The stuff they did to me cost me my wife, (she committed suicide as a result of the stress), my family, my sanity and almost my life. I couldn't peace out and I had no one and nothing left for them to take from me. They had been paid back many times over, but they still wanted payment in the form of suffering.

I left and I'm happy (maybe a little bitter) and fulfilled and now realise that the big problem was living in that country. The sun shines, the ocean beckons, the people smile and there is kindness, laughter and joy in my new world.

Canada has NOTHING that you can't find more and better of in places where they exercise toleration and human decency instead of just congratulating themselves for being so perfect and then living lives of brutal cruelty or, at best, neglectful indifference to others. Get out while you can.

Thanks, Dazed.

I think my favourite contributors to this site are those who suggest that we ought to stop whining and pay our bills.

I'd like to watch those sanctimonious pricks survive some of the cruelty that was deliberately imposed on some of us. And make no mistake...it was deliberate. People die because of them. That makes them murderers by any rational definition. Since the law is on their side, we must ask ourselves whether it's moral to follow those laws.

Please enjoy what life you can steal back from them. You're entitled, whatever the **** tell you.