There must be a way out!!!!!!!!

I did not know this site was here, thank God, I have been reading and at least I know I am not alone.  Good God, there has to be an end to this fricken NIGHTMARE!!!!!

Anyway, here is my story:

I went bankrupt in 2001 and was in school at the time.  I had one more year left to graduate from my Sociology Degree.  I had already been issued the Liberal Arts Diploma the year before (which took me a long time and lots of money - being a working single mom and all).  The reason I went bankrupt was because I had owned a home and gotten myself in deeper than I had realized (this was of course the first time I had discovered credit because I had already paid off a smaller student loan debt and a smaller mortgage).  Anyway, long story short, I had two mortgages and credit card debt adding up to quite a bit of money, I cant remember exactly how much.  I felt like I had no choice but to go bankrupt when interest rates went up and my mortgages renewed. 

During the process of going bankrupt I had enquired of both the Trustee and the Student Loan Branch whether I could still go to school to finish my degree.  They both assured me that I could still borrow money and continue with my studies.  Therefore, I signed the forms.  I had already paid a student loan off in the early 1990s so felt like I could do it again.

I was aware that student loans were not included in the bankruptcy until they were 10 years old.  I had one more year left to finish my Degree and Knew that I would be better able to make a higher income (back when I was still disillusioned), but when I went to register for the last year I was declined student loans because of the bankruptcy??  Therefore, I could not finish my degree and had to start working form minimum wage again. 

I was discharged from bankruptcy in 2003 and since then have been attempting to pay the student loans, but do not make very much income under $20,000 for the past 5 years since bankruptcy.

Over the past 3 years since I have been discharged I have attempted to pay money to the Student Loans I have gone from $200 a month (for all 4 loans) in better years down to $50 per month (for all 4 loans) in my worst years, including now.

In addition the Feds take my income tax every year since 2003.  In 2003 they took $800 -I made $19,857; in 2004 they took $1700- I made $10,098; this year 2005 tax year they will take $1055- I made $13,000.  This is absolutely disgusting!!!

The heartbreaking thing is that none of this money they collect and I give them will go to the principle.  They are paying down the oldest loan but the 3 other loans are growing as we speak.  I just can't give them more money and I feel like the money I do give them is a waste of f****ing time.  I am so frustrated.  I just want this to end.

At this rate I will never pay off the loans; I will be paying these loans until I am dead.

I feel like I am spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere, it is a feeling of utter hopelessness.

I see no end to this situation except being forced into bankruptcy again when the student loans are 10 years old (or asking for hardship forgiveness).

Listen to this scenario:  If I am forced into bankruptcy again in 5 years (that is when they are 10 years old - I think - I am going to find out when they have my study end date as).  I will be 47 in 5 years and then it will take me another 8 years or even more because it will be my 2nd bankruptcy to try to gain any credit or assests or retirement fund, this means I WILL BE 55 - ONLY 10 YEARS AWAY FROM RETIREMENT.

THIS NIGHTMARE HAS RUINED MY LIFE!!!!!!

This is the thanks I get for mothering 4 beautiful children in this country......what the hell is going on!!!!!

I can see how people would feel like completely giving up and throwing their hands in the air and even becoming suicidal.

Yes, I agree with the 'powers that be' this is my own fault, I took the money, and did not think it through fully, and it is a mistake I never intend on making again.

BUT DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS MISTAKE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!

Is this fair?

The ironic thing is that I had intended for my career to be in 'policy' and helpling women get out of poverty!!

I feel like the loans need to be forgiven, I didnt even get an education out of this, I am consistently below the poverty line, I am not in any career field, I will not be moving up any ladders.....

I did not know I was getting a life sentence when I borrowed the money.

Even criminals, in this country, get a second chance.

What are my options

1.  Begging the Government to forgive the loans

2.  I recently mailed a letter to both the Feds and provincials requesting that the interest rates be waived so at least the little bit of money I can afford goes to principle.

3.  Trying to settle somehow, borrow, beg or steal?

4.  Asking Government to forgive half the loan

Other Options I have considered

1. Disappearing from system somehow

2. Ignoring them and wait it out (but they will garnishee my wages)

3. Leaving to another (more socialist country)

Maybe we will have to start deporting to other countries and asking for refugee status and amnemity due to persecution from our own country (CANADA).

I have been reading and am losing hope that these loans will ever be forgiven....I do not want to spend the rest of my life paying interest payments to the government....I am sure they will get progressively more aggressive as time passes on....

On a positive note....I seem to be one of the lucky ones....I have no collection agencies calling me or even writing me....

........I deal straight with Social Development Canada for the $17,000 I owe on two Federal Student Loans....Canada #1 is at $9500 now and the Direct Financing is up to $7500 now. 

.......I deal straight with Revenue of B.C. for the two Provincial Loans #1 = $7500 and #2 = $4500.

I send them my questionaires and tell them what I can afford and they accept the payments....I send them online every month....

I have been doing this for the last 3 years since my discharge...so I am not being harrassed but I JUST CANT STAND THE THOUGHT OF HAVING THIS OVER MY HEAD FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

The reason I am on here freaking out is the Federal Government sent me a statement this month asking for a minimum payment of $465.00 (ya right) and this is only the Feds......so I phoned and the lady on the phone was getting quite rude saying Iwas not even paying the interest every month....I told her I was aware of that but what did she want me to do?  She is giving me two months then I will have to increase it to at least $50 - $75 per month...why would I do that it is all interest?  Besides, I choose to eat and clothe myself....

Questions I have 

1. Has anyone heard of them removing the interest charges?

2. This bill C-55 is it passed?  It has been 5 years since I went bankrupt in March 2001.  Can I apply for this....where do I go...help!

3. Is it a good idea for me to attempt to ignore them and see what happens?

4.  Where do I find more information on 'good faith'....I know I am in default....but to prove hardship....how do you prove you have at least been trying to pay and intended on paying....there have been months where I have only gave $5 or $10 even though I was supposed to pay $25....does this ruin my 'good faith'?

5. In the letter I just wrote to both Fed and Prov 'I said I was trying really hard and really do want to pay the loan...its just the interest rates are stopping me from making any progress....is admitting that I want to pay the loan - is that in my benefit or will that hurt me in the end?  I forgot to write "without prejudice" on top of the letter and said some stupid things in the letter like "at least if I knew the money was going to the principle I would feel encouraged to pay it down"  [I know it was a stupid thing to write, but all I really meant was at least the piddly little amount I sent would go to principle --- can they use these stupid statements against me somehow....I dont want to cause myself grief where it is not necessary] It seems the harder I try the worse I make things....maybe it would be easier to just give up!!

6. Is this a life sentence - give it to me straight

7. Is this site secure is it safe to vent here??

THANK YOU EVERY ONE FOR LISTENING TO MY STORY IT FEELS BETTER JUST GETTING IT OUT....any help would be appreciated