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Cesca
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Joined: 26/October/2004
Location: Canada
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Topic: update on credit & DH Posted: 15/May/2005 at 4:05pm |
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I was on this forum back in October/November last year asking for help while my DH stuck in head in the sand and refused to pay anything on his loans. He is still on disability, I still have a job (albeit a slightly better paying one than before)
But I have now just received my first credit card. I've been able to hedge around it but I dont want to add him as a second card holder. I know he's not trustworthy with cards - thats how he went bankrupt in the first place.
My question is how do I say NO to DH who is persistantly asking me to add him. I dont want to ruin my marriage, but I dont want to be irresponsible with my credit either. I hate that he sponges off me whenever I get paid. I give him enough money to pay the bills (phone/cable/part of the rent) and for food since he has the time to shop while I work. I've been able to hedge around it but I dont want to add him. I know he's not trustworthy with cards - thats how he went bankrupt in the first place.
Please remember that part of his pension is clawed back every month depending on what I have earned for the previous month.
As for the CA's its been very quiet for the last 6 months - no calls or letters or anything since Xmas at least. I think our file is on the "HOLD" desk, waiting for a newbie CA to use us for target practise. :)
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marie_1s
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Joined: 15/May/2005
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Posted: 15/May/2005 at 4:39pm |
If I were you I would tell him you are not comfortable adding him to your card because of his prior credit history. This may sound harsh but IMO being honest and direct is the way to go. If he doesn't respect that and it affects your marriage than I would be concerned that the problems run a lot deeper than what is on the surface. If this is too difficult and you are fearful that it may negatively affect your relationship I would asses how damaging it could be to your own credit rating if you add him and how your response to this could also affect your marriage if he ruins your credit as well. You have to protect what credit rating you have left and guard it with your life. If I were you I would tell him flat out NO and let him deal with that. You are entitled to make decisions for your own best interests and a little hurt feelings is a lot better than another financial disaster. I know it is hard when it is someone you love, but you have to look out for your own best interests. Good luck and take care.
Or: you could tell him because he has filed bankruptcy and has a poor credit rating the credit card company will not allow him to be added. (A little dishonest here though, but it may work if he has no clue ).
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CARGO1
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Joined: 13/January/2004
Location: Canada
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Posted: 16/May/2005 at 6:05am |
If you believe that adding him to your card would cause further hardship to your life you do not need to add him. If he can not understand the reasonings it is not your responsibility to justify them. I would explain it to him just like that. its your credit and it will follow you wether you are to remain in the marriage or decide not to.You do not need the added stress.
I have been with the same person for 10 years and we do not share credit at all. For marital purposes it keeps things simple.We both have excellent credit now, but by keeping it seperate it will insure that at all times good or bad we will likely always have one person with good credit. maybe Explain it like that.
Troy
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����The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
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Blue.
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Joined: 17/May/2004
Location: Canada
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Posted: 16/May/2005 at 8:28am |
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Funny you say that, Troy. I went the other way--my husband had terrible credit when we got engaged, and I added him to MY cards, as I had excellent credit. I hoped it would help him get a positive rating back, as the cards show up on his credit history, too. That was all well and good until MY credit went in the dumper with these stupid student loans. Now we're BOTH stuck on cards that we can barely afford to pay, and his credit rating isn't going to improve while he's stuck with MY debt on his credit rating.
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What you are obsessing about is a debt. It's a loan. It's business. It's money. It contains no moral baggage. You are a decent, kind, loving and moral human being.
--Islander
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CARGO1
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Posted: 16/May/2005 at 10:04am |
BLUE,
It was never my intentions for my relationship finances to work this way it just did. But over the long run it does make sense, and your situation will attest to that.
Troy
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����The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
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Cesca
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Joined: 26/October/2004
Location: Canada
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Posted: 16/May/2005 at 11:35am |
Thanks guys, I appreciate your repsonses. I will definietrly say NO to him and explain that we need one person in this family with good credit.
I was also thinking that we can try and save up $1000 to get him a secured card. Does anyone know any banks or institutions that have a $500 secured card? $500 is an easier goal to attain than $1000.
Thanks
Cesca
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jrmevans
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Joined: 29/April/2005
Location: Canada
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Posted: 16/May/2005 at 1:15pm |
I applied for this a few years ago, it has worked well.... we sent a cheque for $75, and got $150 limit. We sent another $150, for a limite of $300. They will increase the balance -- dollar for dollar -- to a max of $750. There is a monthly fee, and of course Interest is High, but that is normal for a card like this.
http://www.capitalone.ca/cards/secured.shtml
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CARGO1
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Posted: 16/May/2005 at 1:44pm |
Or this one,
http://www.hometrust.ca/ , its a little more minimum is $1000.00 but they have other forms of financing availiable, like mortgages. I would recommend building a relationship with a company that can offer you the most in the long run.
just my.02
Troy
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����The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
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jrmevans
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Posted: 17/May/2005 at 8:31am |
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it's always good to have choices :)
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CARGO1
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Posted: 17/May/2005 at 11:10am |
In any matter when it comes to credit rebuilding time is the only cure, that being said capital, hometrust or a secured plc all will work the same. who the creditor is does not matter as long as other creditors are able to see that you are capable of maintaing a healthy responsible relationship with your existing creditors.
Troy
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����The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
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jrmevans
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Posted: 17/May/2005 at 11:14am |
Exactly :) Couldn't have said it better myself..... ;)
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